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Writer's pictureDen Warren

How to Make a Crappy Song

I hear a lot of amazing, great songs. But I have to comb through a lot of pure crap to get there. A lot of people make them. And surprising, a lot of people play them. So, if you want to make pure crap, I'll give you some sure-fire tips here to get you on your way.


  1. Lets start at the beginning of the song. Have a punishingly long intro that does not go anywhere. Hold your listener hostage for at least two minutes. Most people have an open mind and will fall for listening to it. Listeners know that sometimes the song does get good after a long intro. Whoever makes those crazy long intros are enabling the crapmeisters.

  2. Continuing on, if you really, really want to get them, don't have the song progress at all. It sounds the same over and over and over and over. . . Show them how you can make a such a brilliant riff or whatever that is so wonderful that they never need to hear anything else for the rest of their lives. The song could have had some mirrored sections or some flipped notes or something. Nope. Same same same. Then after you listen to this, you enter the asylum they can take your picture and put it on the front of the cover of their next droning on creation. They always want a creepy picture. Never anything uplifting. My music is dark, but I have yet to feature my first skull on the cover.

  3. Another way to crap up a song it to throw in a bunch of F-cruise missiles. You can rarely find a rap song that doesn't have a bunch of profanity throughout it. But some say it is better than clean music. It probably is to your basic lowlife havenots who blame everyone but themselves for their condition.

  4. These music producer weaklings can also make the cheap move of bad mouthing the USA or Christianity for the ills of the world. Not only did they lie, they just alienated half of their potential listening audience. Well done. At least if you follow their example, you're not promoting something that might help someone. Remember; you're the victim. People will empathize with you and join the legions of your loser fans if you whine about your downtrodden condition. One guy, a real talented one, actually tries to half-veil that he is an out and out satanist. That makes him the loser of all losers. Satan is only mentioned in the Bible and no other religions and the Bible says he and his followers will get an everlasting punishment. Wow. They are so impressive.

  5. Don't make your song like this one. It's not crappy.



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